Don't be too hard on yourself
What we think effects how we feel, and how we feel effects our attitudes, behaviours, choices and decisions.
And in that order THINK > FEEL > CHOICES Remember this ^^^^^
Learn how to have self compassion, understanding, CHANGE the negative trash self talk, and gain tools to view your BIGGEST life mistakes as teacher and valuable resource with this podcast.
So let me ask you, what is the difference between the brain and the mind?
One way to look at this is that the brain is matter, physical, like the hands, knees, heart etc and can be physically touched.
The mind however is invisible, and responsible for how we think. REMEMBER What we think effects how we feel, and how we feel effects our attitudes, behaviours and choices, AND in that order.
It starts with thought, so if we are reminiscing in mistakes we have made, poor decisions & behaviours from our past, that we cannot change this Will directly effect our human experience. I’m not religious, though I do value the phrase “ let he who has not sinned cast the first stone” a reminder we are all not perfect. We are imperfectly human, implying that no one is faultless and, therefore, no one has such a right to pass judgment.
Evolutionary psychologists have studied our natural “negativity bias,” which is that instinct in us all that makes negative experiences seem more significant than they really are. In other words, we’ve evolved to give more weight to our flaws, mistakes and shortcomings than our successes. But that’s not the end of the story. There are ways around our negativity bias, and it is possible to turn self-criticism into opportunities for learning and personal growth. (Really!) But first, let’s talk about how we got here...
O.K., so, why are we so hard on ourselves? For one, blame evolution. “Our minds equip us with a mechanism to monitor our mind and our behaviour,” sometimes, assigning negative value to our experiences and behaviours can “ensnare” us, into cycles of unhelpful rumination — like when you lie in bed at night needlessly replaying an awkward interaction or repeatedly revisiting that minor typo. This is where we get into the harmful, counterproductive side of self-criticism and being way to hard on ourselves. It’s that type of self-criticism that can have measurably destructive effects, including symptoms of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, negative self-image and, in a particularly vicious twist, decreased motivation and productivity.
So what can I do - Besides flood the mind with self compassion, the absolute contrast to what you’ve been previously doing, my favourite way to rise to a higher level of self compassion and awareness and a more sane view of my life is a FEEDBACK journal (there is no such thing as failure or mistakes, it is only feedback). Make a list of the TEN greatest mistakes you’ve made in your life, and place them in the left hand column. On the right hand side, write down the corresponding lessons and feedback you got and benefits that flowed into your life from those so called failures. You will see that your life would not be as rich and colourful had it not been for those failures.
So don’t be so hard on yourself, see your life for what it is - a journey of self discovery, personal growth and life long learning.
Jamie is one of the Sunshine Coast's respected, leading strength and conditioning coaches, and a reputable results-based force in the field of psychotherapy and self-development.